I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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