Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
