It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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