I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
