He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
