you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
