HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Let's get the cat blown out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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