even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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