What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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