ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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