I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
