i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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