I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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