You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
