So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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