what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
