Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Rumble strips road head = magical
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
