If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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