hotel room ftw
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
