FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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