Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
