And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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