What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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