I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh god it's open bar.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize