please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
