OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
