I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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