Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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