I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I supernannyed him into submission
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
