O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
