what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
