do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
