The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize