If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
