it was like his penis was on wheels.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
