We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
