I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
