i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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