Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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