So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
