HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
