Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
