He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
being pregnant is like rehab
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
