i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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