All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
