i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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