Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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