That's when you crack a 10am beer
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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