Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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