he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
