so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
not ubering you a puppy
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