I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
