Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
