I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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