i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
