Me too!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
