Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
