Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
