make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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