It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
