I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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