Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
