I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I FOUND THE LEGS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
