i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
