she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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