If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
