"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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