I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the raccoons are back...
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