their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
