I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if you like me you must not know who I am
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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