I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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