I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
