the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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