i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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