i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
